


Broken Line

by ninjawolf10



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Family, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-03-20 21:39:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 19,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13726503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjawolf10/pseuds/ninjawolf10
Summary: Raphael had gotten used to his anger at Leonardo. It burned but it was familiar. The anger he felt growing towards Splinter wasn't familiar and it burnt hot and bright inside of Raphael, threatening to erase away the connection between them as it morphed into resentment. What did it matter to Raphael though? Splinter favoured his brothers anyway...





	1. Freedom Dash: Raphael

**Author's Note:**

> So I already posted this story at fanfiction.net but I've finally decided to finish it so I'll be posting it all here too! Please let me know what you think.
> 
> I'm hoping to add a ciuple of my other studies to this site soon and if I write anything new in the future I'll post them on both sites!
> 
> Enjoy!

**Freedom Dash: Raphael**

Unbelieveable.

Why does me and Leo talking always end in a screaming match? He’s such a control freak, if he just backed off a bit and gave me a bit of breathing space! But no, the mighty fearless leader must always impose his will on us. He has to always be right. Every single time. It’s always me running through the sewers to escape the argument, disappointed looks and silent accusations. It’s always me that feels like a stranger in my own home.

I can practically feel the anger radiating through me giving me the fire in my legs to keep on running through these dank, depressing sewers. Running to escape my own home!

But what really burns me, more than anything Leo could say. Is how He always takes Leo’s side. No matter how much of a jerk Leo’s being. Like today, Leo climbed up on his high horse and was refusing to even listen to my ideas. I even suggested it in a calm, fairly reasonable way. Reasonable for me anyway. But no, my big brother just closes my ideas down straight away. Hell even Don and Mikey felt sorry for me, they tried to listen to me, but no. No room for possibly changing our fearless leaders plans.

And then what does Leo do when he realizes his followers are revolting. He gets Dad. The almighty Leonardo squeals on me like a six year old to Master Splinter! I was still pretty calm when I was trying to get Leo to listen to me; I stayed calm for once in my life, hoping Master Splinter would hear me out for a change.

Not a chance.

He came in listened to Leo’s side of the story and told the rest of us we must support Leonardo and follow his plan! He wasn’t going to hear anything from me, Mikey and Donnie! 

Even now, after running around the sewers for an hour, my teeth are grinding just thinking about it.

That was when I blew my top with Leo; it was all favouritism from Splinter again. Why the hell does he even keep me, Mikey and Don around anyway since Leo is the only one he listens to. Praises. Loves.

I slow my run as that last though hits me. The truth had crossed my mind and I didn’t like it. Donnie is an inventor, a genius. Mikey is fun, he makes everyone laugh – even Splinter. What do I do? 

Angrily I push the thought out of my head. Splinter had always favoured Leo. He backed all his decisions, spent the most time with him. Hell, he spent time with everyone except me.

As I catch my breath and continue a light jog through the sewers, I can sense someone coming up behind me somewhere down the tunnel.

Probably Leo to drag me back to the lair so I can take my punishment for disagreeing with him.

I turn slightly and catch a first glimpse of my pursuer. 

Damn it’s Splinter following me. 

“Raphael wait” he calls to me as he realises I stopped running.

No chance. I turn and sprint off into the sewers looking for the nearest manhole cover. I’ve got nothing to say to him.

I take off running as fast as I can, the nearest manhole cover is a good few tunnels away and I’m pretty sure Splinter won’t follow me to the surface. I know I’ll just end up in even deeper trouble for running from Splinter and arguing with his precious Leonardo but I don’t care about any of that right now. All that matters to me is getting topside and enjoying a few hours of peace before I go back and face the music.

Rounding the last corner I quickly scale the ladder towards the surface and lift the man hole cover to freedom but not before taking one last glance around the dark sewer tunnel. No sign of Splinter anywhere so it’s a safe bet he gave up following me. Good. Apart from Leo he’s the last person I want to see right now. 


	2. Midnight Run: Raphael

**Midnight Run: Raphael**

There’s something refreshing about the light breeze and cool air tonight as I leap from one rooftop to the next. The darkness of the night always brought a strange kind of comfort to me that the others never understood. Not that they really tried anyway. At least Donnie and Mikey would listen to me before Donnie going all scientific about it and Mikey would revert back to being a knucklehead. Leo would just burst into a lecture about how reckless I am without ever giving me a chance to explain why I might like some alone time topside. 

Not that I’d bother explaining to him anyway, he’s always right and I’m always in the wrong. Slowing down to a walk I head over to the edge of the rooftop and look down on the city as people go about their night time business. It’s much quieter than in the day but there’s still a rush in the people who are out.

I’m still angry at Leo. It’s an old anger though that I’ve got used to carrying. The anger at Splinter? That’s a new one for me. I never felt particularly close to him but the last few months I realised just how stuck up Leo’s shell he really is and it hurts. I know how close they are, with Leo trying his best to be a Splinter junior probably helping them connect but he has three other sons too.  When I think about it though Splinter does have a bond with Mikey and Donnie, he indulges Mikey’s fun and games and is happy to spend time listening to Donnie drone on about his projects even though he’s not a clue what Don is talking about most of the time. What does he do with me? Nothing. 

I’m not really liking where my train of thought is going but it has been leading me to this realisation for some time now, so as I sit back on the rooftop I figure I might as well confront it.

I have no relationship with Splinter. The only time I spend with him is training or when I’m being punished for something, and that’s not how Father-Son relationships are supposed to be. At least I’m pretty sure it’s not. I can feel the anger burning again, hot and bright, but unfamiliar as it rises up inside of me. I’ve often been angry at Splinter but this is different. This anger is something that’s sparked suddenly and won’t fizzle out, it’s been growing for some time as my resentment of Splinter grew.

Wait. I don’t really resent him do I? That’s as far as I got in my thoughts though as movement below caught my attention. A large group of what looked to be purple dragons came sprinting around the corner through the alley below me, carrying crates between them.  I couldn’t help the grin that spread over my face as I grabbed my Sai from my belt to follow them. I could just kick their butts now, but part of me really wants to know what’s in those crates so I should probably follow now. Then I can unleash some frustration on them later. Feeling satisfied with my plan I take off silently across the rooftops keeping an eye on the purple dragons below. Who said I needed Leo to think of plans for me? I can show restraint when I want.

At least there's some excitement tonight. It's the best way for me to burn off the energy and frustration I can feel coursing through me. Going back to the lair like that would just cause more problems because I'm pretty sure I'd lose it again, and then I'd be in the wrong for something else. This is just what I needed right now and if it distracts me from thinking about Splinter that's even better. After this I can go home and continue being the outsider again, just like everyone seems to want.


	3. In The Dark: Splinter

**In the Dark: Splinter**

Why did he have to go above ground? Why alone? I can’t help but wonder why Raphael will not listen to me. Countless times over the years I have warned them of the dangers the surface holds and even now they are older I try to insist they don’t travel above ground alone, but that is clearly not possible for Raphael. 

As I start the climb up the ladder my mind drifts back to the argument that caused him to run from the lair. To run from his family. It is that last thought that hurts the most as I push the manhole cover up and out of the way. Heading to the rooftop I decide it’s best to head to the rooftops downtown first. I have often heard from my other sons it is where he is most likely to be found when he goes off on his own.

Following Raphael is normally a task I leave to Leonardo if I want him brought home but given his constant bickering with Leonardo it is perhaps best I went to find him this time. I’m well aware he believes I favour Leonardo over him but that is simply not true. Since I made Leonardo leader I have done what I can to support his plans and decisions for he would learn nothing if I overruled him every time I thought he was wrong or something could be improved. I do of course guide him to fix his own plans and he has developed into a fine leader. None of that excuses what I’ve done tonight however.

Tonight’s argument was different. Raphael was presenting his ideas to Leonardo who disagreed, and being so used to supporting Leonardo I immediately agreed with my eldest son. When I look back on it, I really hadn’t bothered to hear Raphael’s thoughts and he took my reaction as a dismissal when it wasn’t. It’s important to establish Leonardo as the leader and if I agree with him, his brothers are more likely to agree with him. Leaping to a lower down rooftop my eyes scan the distance in hopes of spotting the red banded turtle. I had hoped that talking to Raphael in private might help him see reason and I did not want to risk another argument between the brothers.

Slowing to a walk I glance around the run down area. What was I thinking? I can try to convince myself I was right but Michelangelo and Donatello are correct. I was wrong tonight.  I still refuse to belief I treat them any differently though. I love them all the same but the way Raphael had run from me in the sewers I can’t help but question that.

As I continue my progress over the rooftops I notice a movement from my left side in the distance. Sinking into the shadows I follow the movements of the silent figure on the opposite roof. That figure almost certainly has a shell…


	4. Turtle Luck: Raphael

**Turtle Luck: Raphael**

I followed the purple dragons for a few blocks until they rounded a corner towards a disused building in a rundown part of the area. Leaping to the closest possible rooftop I put my Ninja training to good use as I hide in the shadows. Not that the purple dragons would be intelligent enough to look up. The purple dragons stopped when they got close to the decaying building, as one of them approached the shutters where a garage had presumably once been. A few knocks on the metal shutter later, and a light creaking noise indicated the shutter was slowly moving upwards. Unfortunately my turtle luck was running true to form tonight and a huge man emerged from the disused building.

I couldn’t help the low growl that developed in my throat as Hun stepped out into the alleyway. Of all the bad guys I’ve fought in my life there’s not many I hate more than Hun. Inching forwards in the safety of the shadows I strain to hear the conversation between Hun and the dragons. I shouldn’t have bothered to be honest, Hun’s voice boomed around the alley and the purple dragons were no quieter. Guess that’s the difference between street thugs and Ninja’s. Except Mikey.

“Well done dragons. Any problems?” asked Hun with a smirk as he stepped towards the crates the dragons had carried

“None at all boss” answered a dragon with a stupid purple Mohawk.

At that Hun raised a blond eyebrow at the dragons before pressing further. “Nothing green, that has a shell?”

“No sign of them” came the reply.

I could feel my annoyance rising as Hun let out a laugh. This is why I’m always telling Leo and the others we need to patrol more! So dirt bags like Hun can’t just get away with doing what they want. We all should have been on top of this tonight, and I’m the only one here. It’s not good enough.

So far they haven’t mentioned what’s in the crates, but seeing how happy Hun is I’d bet my shell it’s better out of his hands. Standing up from my crouched position on the rooftop I pull out my twin Sai in anticipation. Those crates aren’t leaving here. Definitely not with Hun anyway. Moving to the edge of the rooftop I take a deep breath before launching myself downwards. The cool night air whistles past me and I land right in front of the crates startling both Hun and the purple dragons who’d been loitering around the alley.

“Miss me Hun?” I mocked as I casually twirled my Sai blades.

“Get the freak” growled Hun as the purple dragons closed in from all sides

“That’s not fair. There’s only 20 of them. It’s hardly even a warm up” I retorted as I launched the pommel of my Sai into the face of the first attacker before swinging my elbow back into the face of the second. A satisfying crunch came from behind me as the rest of the purple dragons advanced.

There was something I just loved about fighting. It relied on instincts. It was so easy for me to just lose myself in it. The thrill of the moment always charged my adrenaline, and with it my confidence. This was my playing field. My area of strength. As I dodged and weaved through the purple dragons disarming them of their crow bars and baseball bats I couldn’t help but wonder why Hun hadn’t joined the attack. Ducking under and poorly controlled swing of a bat I quickly kicked the offending dragon launching him back into another of the group. Just as the circle of purple dragons started to thin down with many lying unconscious at my feet I heard an unmistakeable click from behind me.

“Stop right there, freak” sneered Hun as the purple dragons that were left stepped away from me and I turned to look at Hun

In the heat of the fight I had taken my eyes away from the crates which had unfortunately given Hun a chance to open them. Now I found myself on the wrong side of the large, alien looking gun that Hun had pointed at me. The large gun had various switches on it and looked more suited to firing missiles if it wasn’t for the three different sized barrels on it. Glancing behind Hun the crate that was opened seemed to contain not just guns similar to what Hun currently held, but also other alien tech that Donnie would probably know the purpose of.

Part of me wanted to run head first at Hun, but that probably wasn’t the best idea since I had no idea what that gun even did. 

“Aww nice of you to break your new toys out for me Hun. I’d hate to break them on you!” I called with as much bravado as I could muster. If all four of us were here, Donnie would figure out what the gun did, Leo would plan, and Mikey could do… something.

“What do you say boys, should we find out what this baby can do?” retorted the huge man as the purple dragons responded enthusiastically.

The tip of the gun started to glow as if it as gathering energy. Before it could fire a shadow dropped from the rooftop next to Hun and knocked the gun skywards, as a large blast of a red beam soared upwards. 

Oh shell no. Could today get any worse? Glaring at my saviour as Hun rounded on him, my gratitude was drowned out by anger. Why did it have to be Splinter who saved my shell?


	5. Disappearing Act: Raphael

**Disappearing Act: Raphael**

Almost as soon as Hun rounded on Splinter, the rat struck out with his walking stick landing a heavy blow to Hun’s chest, causing the giant to shout in fury. The purple dragons around me stood as motionless as I did at my Father’s surprise entrance. For them, the odds had just got a whole lot worse and I kind of sympathised. My odds had dropped too. Leading on from his first attack, Splinter shifted to Hun’s side as a huge fist whistled past him. Once again using his stick Splinter slammed it into the back of Hun’s knees, sending the large man crashing to the pavement. Smashing his fists on the ground in anger, Hun rounded on the purple dragons stood around the alley watching the fight.

“What are you waiting for? Get the freaks! Don’t let them get away!” roared Hun, as his small eyes darted around trying to locate the rat who had humiliated him. 

Shocked back to reality, the dragons hastily raise their weapons to attack us. Twirling my Sai in my hands, I drop my stance ready to fight again. My anger at being saved my Splinter fuelled the adrenaline that ignited my fighting spirit. I had no intention of dealing with Splinter tonight and being rescued by him made it even worse. This whole thing was just going to give him more to be disappointed in me about, more fuel for the inevitable lecture. Just before I can get into the fight the whole alleyway suddenly fills with smoke and familiar, furry hands grab at my arm pulling me to one side. Too stunned at the intrusion to resist I allow myself to be hurried along to the other end of the alley, where Splinter clearly expected us to go up and disappear.

“Raphael, we are going!” orders Splinter in a whisper. Hun and the purple dragons are still stumbling around in the rapidly dispersing smoke and the opportunity to escape is slimming by the second, but I can’t go yet.

It was then I pulled away from my Father’s grip. 

“You go. These losers have weapons and I ain’t letting them get away with them!”

As the smoke disperses further, I can see we are the other end of the alley from Hun and the dragons, giving them even more chance to make off with the crates. Master Splinter recovered fairly quickly from my refusal to follow him, and I could see his annoyance rising as he tried again.

“You don’t understand Raphael. We must leave, while we still can” growled the grey rat as his dark eyes scanned the alley, as if he expected the shadows to come alive. I’m so fed up of taking orders. From Leo. From Splinter. I can’t help the dark anger from earlier in the night burning through me once again.

“I didn’t ask for your help. I don’t need you!” I retorted with anger lacing my tone. 

Wait.  

That came out wrong. I meant to say I didn’t need his help, not that I didn’t need him. Or did I? I’m not sure anymore. I’m so frustrated. Wasn’t I thinking earlier tonight about how much I resented him? No. That’s not true, it’s just the anger talking.  It’s too late now.  The damage is done. Splinter is an expert at masking his emotions, always calm and strong. But the hurt in his eyes is unmistakeable.

The sad look on his face, made me pause. Splinter also seemed to have frozen in place. Before either of us could regain our composure, a tell-tale click echoed in the silence of the alley for the second time tonight. Turning towards the click, I came face to face with yet another alien looking machine, and Hun had his finger on the trigger. 

Time seemed to slow down around me as Hun pulled the trigger. I could do nothing as the bullet exploded out of the gun. At the last possible second a strong push on my shell knocked me to the side, and the bullet intended for me hit Splinter instead.

Even after what I’d just said, he saved me. I could feel my horror building as the bullet struck him in his left shoulder with a sickening crack. I’ve seen guns fired plenty of times but this was different. Lying flat on my shell, I feel helpless to do anything but watch. Multiple cracks broke the silence of the night, the unmistakeable sound of bones breaking as the bullet thudded into his shoulder, sending Splinter crashing to the ground. Unlike a regular bullet, this was a thick cylinder of metal about the length of a pencil, and it was stuck out of his left shoulder. Waking out of my shock, I scramble to my feet and rush towards Splinter who was lying on his back groaning as blood slithered out from the sides of the bullet stuck out of him by about three inches.

Familiar brown eyes filled with pain flicker towards me as I lean down to him. Hun and the purple dragons have surrounded us now, laughing cruelly and the damage they had caused.

“Raphael, run” Splinter urges me, as he weakly attempts to push himself up. He’s way too badly injured to move though, and he once again ends up on the ground.

“Stand aside turtle” booms the voice of Hun

Anger, bright and hot fuels the animalistic growl that builds in my throat as I turn towards Hun.

“Now, now turtle. Surrender and I’ll let the rat live” said Hun in a condescending tone, still pointing the gun towards us.

“No!” groans Splinter behind me, once again attempting to stand.

“What do you say boys? Should I see what this button does?” questions Hun, glancing at the range of dials and buttons on the dangerous machine, as the purple dragons around him roar in approval.

Flicking a switch at one end of the gun, I turn towards Splinter just as the electric shock hits him. Despite his best efforts, Splinter grunts and groans in pain as he twists on the ground. The shock causing him to further impact on his already damaged shoulder.

Torn between helping Splinter and attacking Hun, I stand frozen in-between the two. I wish my brothers were here. I wish I’d followed Splinter out of danger.

“Surrender turtle. There’s a lot of buttons on here, I wonder how many it will take to kill him?” ordered Hun.

Outnumbered and outgunned. I glance back at my Father on the ground, the shock has stopped and he’s panting on the ground shuddering in pain. I drop my Sai to the ground. I don’t resist as the purple dragons nearest me bind my hands behind my shell while the others wrap a length of chain around me, trapping my arms tightly to my body.

Satisfied that I’m secured, Hun moves towards Splinter. Surprisingly still conscious, he tries to move but he is clearly in no shape to fight. 

“Leave him alone Hun! I surrendered” I bargain, barely recognising the weak, broken sounding voice as my own.

“A deal is a deal” Hun agreed.

In the next instance, he dropped the gun to one side and knelt on top of splinter. Pinning the rat to the ground with a knee on his chest, the mountain of a man easily secured Splinters functioning right arm to the ground under a meaty hand. His left hand was of no concern, given the state of his left shoulder. Grabbing hold of the metal cylinder, Hun slowly dragged it out of the rats shoulder as Splinter squirmed desperately beneath him. The sound of my Father’s cries of pain will probably haunt me for months to come, as well as the sight of the blood, muscle and who knows what else on the end of the bullet when it is finally removed. The end of the bullet had a curved end with small serrations to the metal surrounding it. The perfect weapon to cause maximum damage. So transfixed with what Hun was doing to Splinter, I barely registered the truck that had arrived in the alley. I remain numb as I’m thrown into the back with chains securing me to the wall, and when Splinter is thrown in alongside me. A chain connecting his good arm to the opposite wall.

The only thought running through my mind; this is my entire fault.


	6. Time Out: Donatello

**Time Out: Donatello**

“Donnie, I’m bored!” whined Michelangelo for probably the 20th time in the past hour. 

I can’t help but roll my eyes at his moaning as I try to focus on my own projects. Since Raph had stormed out and Master Splinter had followed, I’d gone in my lab to do some work and Mikey had decided to keep me company. By company, I mean moan and crunch potato chips while I work. Leo had huffed about Raph for a few minutes and stormed into the Dojo to meditate or train – maybe both. 

“You don’t have to keep me company Mikey, I’m sure the TV is free.” I suggested helpfully, and with a bit of hope.

“No way, dude! It’s too quiet out there and Leo’s probably still brooding in the Dojo. Bad vibes, bro.” replied Michelangelo through handfuls of chips.

“Raph and Master Splinter will probably be back soon anyway” I said. My eyes lingered on the clock though. They seem to have been gone a long time, I’ve no doubt Master Splinter caught up to Raph and it’s highly doubtful he would have refused to come home with him.

At that moment, the lab door creaked open to reveal Leonardo. Judging by his stiff body language he wasn’t completely over the argument with Raphael.

“Sup bro” greeted Mikey, without bothering to turn around to Leo.

Rather than return the greeting, Leonardo seemed to want to get straight to the point of his lab visit and in doing so he confirmed what I was just thinking.

“Do you guys think they’ve been gone a while?” questioned my blue masked sibling, “I didn’t think it would take long for Master Splinter to bring him back.”

“Raph, looked kind of upset though” answered Mikey, now turning his full attention to Leo.

“He’s always upset with me about something, what’s new?” retorted Leo, rolling his eyes. 

As I listened to the conversation, I couldn’t help but think back to the argument. The purple dragons had gone really quiet over the past few weeks and Raph seemed to think it was because they were up to something. Leo, on the other hand was much more focused on what the Foot Clan was doing compared to street gangs. Raph though we should check out what the purple dragons were doing, since it seemed really weird how little we’d seen of them, but Leo told him we should be grateful they disappeared and focus on the Foot. I will be the first to admit Raph normally wants to go looking for a fight, but I couldn’t help but agree with him on this. What would a bit of surveillance hurt? I think Leo’s got so used to ignoring Raph’s ideas he wasn’t really paying much attention to what he was suggesting, even though Raph was being quite reasonable for a change. I think the complete dismissal of his ideas got to Raph and he fell back into the familiar argument with Leo. Looking back on it, I feel kind of guilty. Master Splinter came out of his room, not long after the argument started and told Raph off for questioning Leo’s decisions. He told him he was being disrespectful, and he must support his leader. I agreed with Raph and I think Mikey did too, but neither of us intervened, even when Raph looked to us for help. Raph and Leo always argue about nearly everything, but I think it was what Master Splinter said that upset him. He tried so hard to reign his temper in. At this point Leo was looking a little smug since Splinter had sided with him, but Raph wasn’t ready to give up and tried to explain his plan to Master Splinter. 

I can’t help but cringe when I think of the hurt look in Raph’s eyes when Splinter cut him off and told him he must do as Leo says. I should have said something. I know from past experience Splinter tends to side with Leo, though I’m not entirely sure why. If anyone even suggests favouritism to Splinter he strongly denies it, but the way he dismissed Raph just seemed really cold and out of character. It was almost like he just wanted to get the argument over with and skipped the part where he listened to Raph. Normally he hears both sides before agreeing with Leo.

“Donnie?” questioned Leo, dragging my mind back to the present.

“I think Raph was more upset with Master Splinter than you tonight”  

“It was me he was yelling at!” replied Leo

“True, but Sensei shut him down before he even got started” added in Mikey, who had clearly noticed the same thing I did.

Crossing his arms over, Leo huffed from the doorway “So what? He probably got fed up of Raph shouting all the time”

“Takes two to tango, bro” quipped Mikey, to Leo’s annoyance.

Taking a deep breath I prepare myself for what I’m about to say. I’m sure it won’t go down well.

“Leo, did you really not notice how upset Raph was? You shut him down pretty fast and Master Splinter didn’t even hear what he had to say before agreeing with you! Do you not see how that could have upset him?”

“Well, yeah…” answered Leo suddenly looking uncomfortable

“I think Master Splinter realised and that’s why he went to get him, instead of sending you” I concluded

“Should it have taken this long though?” asked Mikey with a nervous glance at the clock

“Maybe they’re talking about stuff? It has been a while though” speculated Leo with a look of deep thought on his face

“Donnie..”

“Already on it” I knew exactly what Mikey was about to ask. Can you track them? Yes. Yes, I can. A few taps on my keyboard later and I’m looking at a map with all five of our shell cells on. Three in the lair. The other two…

Gone?

That can’t be right. At this point Mikey and Leo are both hovering over my shoulders as I double and then triple check for both Raph and Splinters signals.

“This can’t be good, right? asked a nervous Michelangelo

“No, it’s not” I agreed while trying to pull up the last known location of their phones. “According to this their phones were together in an alley on the other side of town before both signals disappeared.”

“Grab your gear, and let’s head out there. They could need our help” ordered Leo in a grim tone

Things aren’t looking good. At least they were both together, hopefully. What could have happened to them? 


	7. Time to Chill: Raphael

**Time to Chill: Raphael**

I remain numb as the doors of the van slam shut, with a final click. Probably a lock. At this point it doesn’t matter. Part of me is burning, ready to fight and rage against the purple dragons who locked me in here. The other part of me is immobilised, not by the chains securing me to the wall but to the horrific state of Master Splinter lying opposite me. I barely notice as the engine starts and the van moves away, taking us who knows where. Blood pours from the deep hole in Splinters shoulder, steadily soaking his robe and chest. His right arm is chained up to the wall opposite me and my own chains prevent me from getting any closer to him. 

This is my entire fault. If I’d just left with him this might not have happened. Splinters right, I should just follow Leo’s orders. No wonder he didn’t want to hear my ideas before. This was my plan tonight, and look how it ended up! Part of me really doesn’t want to look at him, but the other part of me can’t tear my eyes away from the sight. Why would he take that bullet for me? After I just told him I didn’t need him? If he’d just stayed away from me, he wouldn’t have gotten hurt. He’d be back at the lair with my brothers. The sons who don’t disappoint him.

I try to push down the feelings that bubble just below the surface, my anger has caused enough problems tonight. But right now I can’t. I feel so confused. I’ve spent half the night brooding over how much I resent Splinter, and now I can’t hold back the guilt for feeling that way in the first place. The van is picking up speed and turns sharply to the left, causing me to swing into the side of the van as well. I barely notice the movement, until a familiar groan startles me out of my own head.

Across from me, the movement of the van had caused Splinter to bash his bad shoulder on the floor, and I could now see familiar brown eyes glancing blearily around the area.

“Master Splinter… you should probably stay still” I called out to him. My voice comes out as a barely recognisable whisper, betraying my fears and regrets with its weakness. 

That didn’t seem to deter him. His left arm was clearly useless at his side, and with his right hand chained to the side of the van, his attempts at moving didn’t get very far. Eventually he managed to drag himself into leaning against the wall, but that didn’t seem to give him any comfort.

“Raphael” he started “are you alright?”

The weakness in his voice made my heart clench. I’m no Donnie, but even I could tell he was in a lot of pain.

“I’m fine. You.. You’re shoulder. I…” 

“This isn’t your fault, my son” he reassures me, as I stumble and struggle over my words. His breathing is uneven, and I can see his eyes struggling to stay open. He must be in agony, but he’s trying to convince me this isn’t my fault? Of course it’s my fault!

“What are you talking about? Of course it’s my fault, if I’d just listened to Leo…”

“No!” he snaps with effort “this is my fault Raphael. I should not be so dismissive of you and your other brothers. Agreeing with Leonardo has become habit, and I‘ve treated the rest of you unfairly as a result. I’m sorry.”

I want desperately to respond to my Father and tell him I forgive him. But I can’t find the words. How can he be apologising to me? I’m the one who got him shot. Everything that’s happened tonight has proven how listening to me isn’t a good idea. Before I can figure out how to make my mouth work again, I notice Splinter starting to pass out opposite me.

“No! You need to stay awake” I shout to him. He’s lost a lot of blood, and I can’t shake the fear if he passes out he won’t wake up.

“I will try” comes a muffled reply “You must escape Raphael”

“I can’t get us out of this, I’m not Leo or Donnie. Shell, even Mikey could probably think of something to do!” the frustration bubbles over in my voice. How can he expect me to do this?

“You are you, Raphael. I trust you will escape.”

“Not without you!” I shout angrily, the realisation of what he’s implying hits me hard.

“You must get out” he repeats, his voice getting weaker as the blood continues to fall from his injury. 

I won’t leave him behind. I don’t know how, but I need to get us out of here. I need my brothers, Splinter’s in really bad shape and I don’t know what the shell I can do to help him.


	8. Trapped: Splinter

  **Trapped: Splinter**

I'm vaguely aware of Raphael talking to me as he struggles against the restraints binding him, but I can feel myself drifting into unconscious no matter how hard I resist. Raphael must escape. He cannot try to help me, I will only slow him down. My right hand is trapped and my left has been rendered useless from the bullet. The truck we are in swerves sharply to the left bouncing me around in the process and adding further agony to my injured shoulder. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I try to focus on Raphael. His shock seems to be wearing off and he is desperately fighting the restraints. Fighting for his freedom. 

I do not blame Raphael for not following me out of danger, it is part of who he is. He's a protector and a warrior, and I can't help but fear I've done him a disservice. He needed understanding and patience from me, but over time it ran out. I vividly remember when he was younger. Bright amber eyes brimmed with fear and sorrow after he lost his temper and struck Michelangelo at 8 years old. He was afraid of his temper, and I comforted him as much as I could. I promised I would help him, I promised he could tell me anything that he didn't want even his brother's to know. It was clear even then he was beginning to hide behind anger and carefully constructed walls. It was my duty to help him express himself and for a time I worked hard with him to overcome his anger and fears. As time wore on, progress stalled as he hid himself from me. He would not show weakness even to his Father. Our relationship changed, and I can only blame myself as it was I who stopped reaching out. I can blame it on the stress of our lives, or raising four children alone but I know they are only excuses. The argument that led us both here tonight is proof enough of my failure. 

I hadn't realised quite how much I had grown accustomed to the roles my sons take until Donatello and Michelangelo quietly agreed with Raphael after he had left. Neither had intervened during the argument but I could sense their frustration. I called them out on it. Quietly they then shared their support for Raphael, much to Leonardo's anger and my own confusion. Dark spots dance at the edge of my vision, as the fire in my shoulder continues to burn, but my thoughts continue to wander in the past. Leonardo was such an easy child, I could understand him and his needs but the rest of my sons were a challenge in different ways. That never changed my love for them all, but now I wonder if it changed my treatment of them.

I fear Raphael will have to escape without me; I only hope he doesn't blame himself for this. It was my actions that drove him from the lair tonight. It was my duty as his Father to protect him from Hun. The pain continues to throb desperately as I can feel my own blood continue to soak me. I can do nothing to help us now, already I am too weak.

"Father" called Raphael pulling me back from the edge of oblivion. A small part of my mind registers he has freed himself. Now he's beside me and unsure how he can help me. The uncertainty and fear shines as brightly in his amber eyes as it did all those years ago. I hate to let him down, I cannot stand the thought of leaving him in his turmoil. Desperately, I hope he never questioned my love for him.

I need to tell him to go. He must escape. I must tell him I'm sorry and this isn't his fault. I want to see the rest of my sons, they all need to know I'm sorry. My last conscious thought is regret for causing this and a deep longing to ease the heartbreak in my son’s eyes as the darkness finally claims me.


	9. Calculate: Raphael

**Calculate: Raphael**

This can't be real. I finally get free from that stupid chain and Master Splinter passes out on me. He's breathing but blood is still flowing from his shoulder and he won't wake up. I can't stop the panic that's settled in my gut. What am I supposed to do now? I managed to get free from the chains by literally breaking through them, and I'm pretty sure I've done some impressive damage to my arms in the process but we're still trapped in this stupid truck and Splinter is running out of time.

I'm so angry, all I want to do now is find Hun and beat him until he hurts more than Splinter, but I know I can't.

Slowly I take a deep breath. Getting help is the first priority, revenge can wait. I really wish my brothers were here. Donnie would be able to fix Splinter, Leo would have a plan. Even Mikey could probably come up with something. The rattling of the van drags me from my thoughts and I quickly pull Splinter closer to me to stop him bouncing around. I can't help but cringe at the sight of his injury; it looks like it came straight from a horror movie. Glancing around the truck I realise my Sai aren't here and the only other thing in the area is a couple of wooden planks that had probably been forgotten. 

I've wasted too much time thinking, I have to stop the bleeding. I quickly strip off my knee pads and belt, silently cursing the purple dragons for removing our shell cells while I fasten the knee pads tightly to the wound. Splinter, doesn't even flinch when I tighten the belt around what I'm pretty sure is a broken shoulder. That can't be a good sign. It's lucky he's pretty small, my belt is just long enough to strap his left arm across his chest. I've never been great with medical stuff but I'm pretty sure leaving his left arm flopping around is a bad idea.

My makeshift bandage will hopefully stem the blood flow until I can figure something out. Splinters good hand is still chained to the wall, but for now I figure I'll check out the wooden planks and hope some kind of plan appears. I'm trying hard to stay calm, but I know this situation looks really bad. I can't focus on that though. At least if I keep myself busy I won't have to think about it too much. Doing something always feels better than waiting around.

Several sharp turns cause the truck to lurch and I try hard to stay quiet as Splinter gets thrown around. At least the chain on him is stopping him moving too much. We've been in the truck a while now and I can only guess they're taking us back to Purple Dragon territory the other side of town. 

The only things in the truck are the two half rotten wooden planks, a couple of rusty nails and the chains I snapped. Not exactly the makings of a top quality plan. The truck has no windows except a small mesh covered one on the doors that you can't see in or out of and a small, narrow air vent on the top left side. 

It's with a kind of desperation I try to think of a plan that will get us both out of here. We can't cause a fight with the purple dragons, I'm unarmed and Splinters out of action so it'd be too risky.

Huh, too risky? 

I'm starting to understand where Leo's coming from when he plans. Planning and taking action myself is easy, but planning and thinking about Splinters situation is hard. I actually wish Leo was here, that's how bad this situation has got. No matter how bad it gets though, there's no way I'm leaving here without Splinter.

Besides, I need to tell him I'm sorry. That I didn't mean it when I said I didn't need him. I just hope I get the chance.


	10. Missing in Action: Leonardo

**Missing in Action: Leonardo**

 What a mess.

We'd followed the shell cell signals to the location Donnie found, and arrived in an alley that had obviously recently seen a fight. A quick search of the area had led to Donnie finding a large pool of blood and a blood stained metal cylinder next to it. Mikey and I continued to search the area while Donnie examined the mess we had just found.

I couldn't help the anxiety that settled in my stomach as we searched the area. The desire to find Raph and Splinter had become even more urgent to me. I was examining some cracked bricks and marks on the alley floor when Mikey found the shell cells. Both of them were crushed and dumped in the trash, and when I saw them my barely controlled anxiety kicked up a notch.

"This is bad" I muttered "we need to find them. Now."

"Yeah, this whole situation is making my shell jitter" agreed Mikey with a barely concealed shudder as we approached Donatello who was still examining the metal cylinder.

"What are you thinking Donnie?" I enquired, hoping for good news

"This is a bullet" deduced my genius brother, his sharp eyes taking in every detail of the gruesome scene

"Isn't it kind of big for a bullet?" asked Michelangelo, who was clearly thinking the same as me.

If that big metal cylinder with a serrated edge hit anyone it would cause huge damage. Judging by the pool of blood it was next to, it had already done the damage. My every instinct was screaming at me that it was one of my family members who had been hurt, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. The evidence only pointed one way.

"This was definitely fired from some kind of gun, and judging by the size and shape it was an alien gun. This is actually an intricate piece of technology" explained Donatello, finally turning his attention to me and Mikey.

I don't know how Donnie can find a weapon like that fascinating; it was clearly made to deal maximum damage.

"Don't touch it bro, its covered in blood" called Mikey, cringing away as Donatello wiped some of the blood from the end of the bullet.

"This bullet has electronics built into it. If I had to guess I'd say you could control it from a distance, and make it do...unpleasant things" explained Donatello, as both Mikey and I turned a shade greener.

"You don't think Raph or Master Splinter got hit by that thing do you?" asked Michelangelo quietly, though I suspect he knows the answer

"We don't know, but we can't afford to waste time. We need to find them" I reply, doing my best to conceal my own fears. My brother's need leadership not panic right now. I was about to propose we search the wider area when Donnie interrupted me.

"Wait Leo! The end of this bullet has tiny electric conductors; like small discs on the end. A couple of them are missing, see" he explains showing me the bullet.

An idea forms of where his train of thought is going and I struggle to hold back the vomit clawing up my throat.

"You think these conductors might still be stuck to the person who got hit" I say, as Donatello nods grimly

"What are the conductors for anyway?" asks Michelangelo and I desperately wish he hadn't.

"More than likely; to electrocute whoever they stuck to. In this case, and judging by the blood we found they're probably stuck within the wound" explains Donatello sadly, looking somewhat sick himself

Now I really feel sick.

"I might be able to track the missing plates, though" adds my genius brother, instantly igniting some hope

"How? They're so tiny" adds Mikey, looking closer at the small discs

"This is alien tech by the look of it, and the shock pads will only have come out when activated, so they might still have a frequency in them. I just need to take this bullet and build a small tracker" explained Donatello

I'm pleased we have a hope of tracking them, but the bullet may not have hit either of them and if it did we've no time to waste.

"How long?" I order, taking charge of the situation

"It should be pretty simple, I have some circuits at April's apartment that might do"

"You build the tracker, Mikey and I will search the area by foot until its ready. Shell cells on at all times, and do not engage anyone without backup. Understood?"

They both nod at me, grim determination set on their features.

"We've no time to waste, let's move"


	11. Ready, Set, Go: Raphael

**Ready, set, go: Raphael**

I knew this was a bad idea before I started, but I'm pretty much committed at this point. It had taken some time but I'd finally managed to bend the doors of the truck open enough to slip a piece of wood between them. At first, I'd tried breaking through the small window on the door but the mesh covering was too difficult. Lucky for us this truck is pretty old and by using the plank for leverage I'd managed to prise a small gap into the bottom of the door. The bad news is the lock on the truck is pretty high tech and while the door bent under pressure I have no chance of breaking past the lock. That really only left one plan and even I think it’s pretty stupid.

Master Splinter hadn't woken up and he was still bleeding even though I tried to wrap the wound. I used the couple of nails in the truck to free him from the restraints and made sure everything was in place for what was about to go down.

I had made the gap with the door so I could just about reach the back left wheel and that's where those nails were going. I have to hope they'd stop and check the truck. Crouching by the door I force my hand through the gap and wait until the truck slows down. Lucky for us the purple dragons don't want to draw attention to themselves so they've been following the rules of the road like good little citizens.

Red light.

The truck stops and I waste no time in jamming the long nails into the tyre and out again leaving a few holes. Just before the truck moves again, I jam both nails in and leave them there. The faint sound of air tells me the tyre is going down. Now all I can do is wait and hope they take the bait. I'm just happy to wrench my hand back into the truck, hopefully no-one noticed a green hand poking around the tyre.

Carefully I arrange Splinter behind me and check his pulse for probably the hundredth time. It's getting weaker and I have to fight down the desperation that claws at me. If this doesn't work, there's no other plan.

The truck carried on for a couple more blocks before it turned right and grinds to a halt. This is it. My heart leaps as the sound of voices passes the side of the truck, stopping level with the wheel.

"What the hell happened?" exclaimed one dragon, followed by the sound of the wheel being kicked.

"We gotta tell the others to bring a spare" said the other dragon

"I ain't making that call. Hun will kill us if we don't meet up with him and bring the freaks" complained the angry dragon "If he wasn't so huge he could have been driving this truck, and it'd be his problem"

I can't help but smirk slightly as Huns lackeys mock him, they'd never have the guts to do it to his face.

"Is there a tyre in the back?" asked the other one, clearly the lazier of the two judging by how little he seemed to care about their problem

"I ain't going in there" shouted the first Dragon, a hint of fear in his voice

I can almost imagine the panic on his face and I can't help but smile. They should be afraid.

"What you worried about? The freak that got shot is probably dead by now"

"Dead or not, I ain't going near it" the first dragon half shouted

Instinctively I pull Splinter closer, anger igniting as they talk so openly about killing someone. Nearly killing someone, I remind myself. I never understood scum like them! They don't care who they hurt, and then they're too wimpy to face the consequences. By consequences, I mean me.

"The boys are here" says the first dragon and panic sets in as I wonder how many ‘boys’ are out there

"Have you checked the prisoners?" booms the voice of Hun and any hope I had vanishes

Getting to my feet I ready the chain I would have to use as a weapon. This is the only chance I'll have to get us both out. It has to work, I can't let us die like this. If Hun hadn't shown up with reinforcements it might have, I just needed the two purple dragons to open the door. I should have known it wouldn't work. I'm not Leo, I can't think that far ahead. Now it's going to cost Splinter his life.


	12. Turtle Trouble: Michelangelo

**Turtle Trouble: Michelangelo**

Why is my shell so heavy?

I've always loved being a turtle, but right now I can't help but think it’s slowing me down. We need to get there, like right now.

Already, I'm in front of Leo and Donnie who are having trouble keeping pace with me, but I've been itching to find Raph and Sensei since we found the blood in the alley and it’s taken us way too long. Me and Leo checked out the area going from the alley onwards while Donnie went to April's. All we found were some tyre tracks that could have gone anywhere. We're just lucky that Donnie is a smart turtle and called April on his way there so it took hardly any time for them to make the tracker thing.

Of course, April wanted to help too so we promised to let her know if we needed anything, but right now we've got to get to Raph and Splinter.

"We should be approaching the signal on the left in two blocks" called my purple masked brother from somewhere behind my shell

"We need to plan!" called Leo, somewhat desperately but I barely heard him.

A burst of adrenaline gives me an extra boost as I dash towards the place Donnie indicated. As I get closer, I don't need directions anymore as the sound of battle reaches me. I slow down slightly so Leo and Donnie can catch up. I may be desperate to get here, but I won't jump in yet. That's more Raph’s thing.

As a team we approach the edge of the rooftop where we can see the battle going on below. Hun and at least 10 purple dragons are surrounding a green figure who's swinging a chain at his side like a weapon. Instantly I recognise Raph, and realise he's defending the door to the truck.

Suddenly, that fourth slice of pizza I had earlier seems to sit heavier as I connect the fact Raph’s defending the door with Splinters absence. Does that mean...

I barely finish the thought before I'm leaping down to join Raph and face the circle of attackers.

"Mikey!" shouts Raph in surprise, his eyes never leaving the enemies that surround us as Leo and Donnie drop to either side of us. What took them so long?

My question is answered a minute later when Donnie releases a smoke bomb and Leo whispers his orders. I'm totally getting a lecture later for pulling a Raph.

"Splinters hurt" whispers Raph desperately, already moving to the truck.

"Donnie will take him to April's while we distract them. Quickly, go!"

The purple dragons and Hun were lost in the thick fog that had filled the alley, but we didn't waste any time before taking them out. I just want to get out of here, I didn't see Splinter but Donnie’s gone so he's hopefully on his way to April's. By the time the smoke clears, nearly all the purple dragons are down leaving only Hun and a few stragglers standing. Hun is in the midst of batting Leo who is ducking and weaving around powerful attacks, but I can't help but notice how quick Raph was dispatching the purple dragons. Usually he enjoys a good fight, but right now he seems desperate to go and it’s adding to my own nerves about Master Splinter.

Finally, I knock down the last dude with purple hair and turn to find Leo still battling and Raph searching one of the other trucks in the alley. A moment later he returns with his Sai and Splinters walking stick.

"You're too late, freaks!" panted Hun, circling Leo "the rat won't make it and neither will you"

"It's three to one odds on us, dude" I point out, just to be helpful

"Proud of yourself, turtle?" sneered Hun, turning to focus on Raph

"Let’s go" said Leonardo, as he knocked Hun backwards with a powerful spinning kick. The purple dragons leader staggered backwards before landing on the alley floor

The huge mountain of man, was still conscious but struggling to stand. Leo was right we should just get out of here. We wasted no more time before making our way back to the rooftops, groaning purple dragons littered the alley floor.

I was climbing to the roof between Leo and Raph, when Huns voice echoed in the alley.

"If you'd listened to Daddy, maybe he wouldn't be dead!"

Horror fills me as my eyes turn to Raph. Normally a taunt like that would cause a major beat down, but Raph just dashes up the building and takes off towards April's apartment. Leo and I follow straight after him, but Huns taunt echoes in my mind. Is Splinter really that badly hurt? It must be bad if Raph’s so upset…


	13. Panic Stations: April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!

**Panic Stations: April**

I can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed with how much trust the guys have in me. When Don had called earlier needing a scanner I wasted no time in helping him. In fact it was half assembled when he got here. When he told me why they needed it, worry filled me as much as it did them; I wanted to help in any way I could.

I didn't expect to see Donatello turn up at my apartment not 20 minutes later with a badly injured Splinter. He was panicking in his own quiet way and looking for someone to help him. Poor guy, he's only a teenager and I'd do anything to help all of them.

But, this time I don't think it will be enough. We'd both gone to work immediately and decided caring for Splinter would be easier in the bathroom where we could wash the blood off. We pulled open his robe and removed the makeshift padding that was bound around his shoulder. I nearly gagged at the horrific injury. I could see bones moving in his shoulder, and my heart broke for Splinter. Poor guy must be in agony. At first I felt kind of uncomfortable helping Don care for his Father, since Splinters is always so reserved and at most I've got the occasional hug out of him; it seemed strange to be taking care of him. But seeing the injury, and how weak his pulse was getting, made me understand why they wanted my help. I can't help but feel flattered they trust me to look after him, but I'm not sure how much we can actually do.

Since Don got here, the others arrived not long after and have been banished to the living room while we work. They're all so worried, and Raph seems really out of it. I've hardly heard him make a sound out there and he'd normally be shoving his way in here demanding to do something. From Donnie’s visit earlier I knew the basics of what had happened between Raph and Splinter but how it led to this I don't know.

I turn my attention back to the current problem and find Donnie had prepared some of the tools we're likely to need. Thankfully, I now keep emergency medical supplies here just in case, but caring for an injury like this on the bathroom floor is hardly ideal. Already the blood has soaked through a couple of towels and I hate the fact this is the best we can do. He should be getting proper treatment where he's safe and has access to pain medication. Not dying on a bathroom floor while his son tries to fix him!

"How’s it looking April?" asks Donatello with a slight shake in his voice. I took the more gruesome job of inspecting the injury while Donnie cleaned his Father up a bit. Truthfully, I'm surprised Splinter is still alive. The injury is horrific and I shudder to think how much it hurt him.

Carefully, I pull back the jagged hole and shine a small light inside. Splinters lost so much blood, but we have to close the wound somehow and can't afford to miss something.

"Not too good, Donnie" I say softly, and feel the teen tense next to me "we need to sew up some of this internal damage, and set the broken bones. The bullet caused a lot of damage and managed to break the collarbone and damage the shoulder blade. He's lost way too much blood as well"

Silence greets my assessment and I feel bad for being so blunt with him, I've never seen him so unsure of what to do but I guess he doesn't usually have to fix damage of this level.

"He's tough, Don. If we fix him up and he rests, I'm sure he'll be ok" I try to reassure him "hand me the tools and I'll do the stitches"

"Thanks April" breathed Don, moving in position to help me. Splinters smaller than the turtles and the stitching will be quite intricate; so I don't think Donnie’s large hands or shaky nerves will be the best thing at the moment.

As I worked, I tried not to think of Splinter as part of my family. I tried to disassociate myself and think clinically, but at the moment I was failing miserably. I've patched all the guys up from time to time but Splinters never really needed much help.

We both put on surgical gloves, and by the time I finish all the stitches they're slick with blood and I'm exhausted. We stopped the bleeding but his heart beat is still shaky from blood loss and we still need to set the shoulder.

I feel like we've been in the bathroom a lifetime when we clean Splinters fur again and bind his shoulder tightly in bandages. The wound in his shoulder still looks a mess but since closing it up, Don seems to have regained control of his nerves.

"We should probably put that arm in a sling too" he suggests as we carefully move Splinter upright.

"Broken shoulders are very painful and he can't risk pulling the stitches, he will be on bed rest for a while. We'll have to make sure he stays very still, any movement could jostle the bones until they start mending. He won't be able to use that arm for a while" I agree, silently thinking how he won't be doing anything for a while. Though I can't help but wonder if the muscle and nerve damage will affect his use of that arm anyway.

"I don't know what we'd do without you April" said Don, turning a watery gaze to me. I can see relief in his eyes that the worst part is over for now, and I can't bring myself to contradict him. Truthfully, Splinter is nowhere near safe yet.

'You guys are family" I reply fondly "he should stay here for a bit though. We can't risk the wound getting infected in the sewers"

"That's why I brought him straight here rather than the lair" said Donatello, as he finished securing Splinters arm, "you know he'll hate imposing on you though"

"I'll tie him to the bed if I have to" I answer solemnly and finally get a small grin from Donatello "now come on, we can put him on the couch for now. Besides, how many times do I have to tell you guys you're family"

Although, I'd tried to keep Donnie focused on the positives. I had a lot of questions and concerns. We'd done our best but that was no guarantee Splinter would recover, considering he had lost so much blood and the extent of the injury. He hadn't so much as moved since we started working on him, and if he woke up would be in enough agony that was sure to upset the turtles. What exactly had happened with him and Raphael that led to all this?

As we slowly carry Splinter out of my blood stained bathroom, I feel anxious. Hopefully Raph can tell us what happened...


	14. Patience: Raphael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if anyone is enjoying this!

**Patience: Raphael**

It seemed to take forever to get to April's, and when we did get there Don and April wouldn't let us see Splinter. Waiting in the living room almost killed me. Part of me was desperate to go back and finish Hun, but the other part of me was stuck in this living nightmare. I feel like I can't move. When Hun taunted me in the alley, I ran. There was no fire left. No anger left to burn through. Instead there was just panic and pain like I'd never felt.

I can tell Mike and Leo want answers about what happened but I've not said a word since the bathroom door closed and I ain't gonna start now. At least they haven't pushed me for the details yet, and they haven't blamed me either.

That's ok; I know this mess is my fault. I'll fix it somehow though. First I've got to know if Splinter is gonna be ok. Maybe then I can try and make sense of the emotions burning through me. I've felt anger, pain and worry before. I've even felt guilt too. But this cocktail of emotion is new, and I can feel myself drowning in it.

After what seems like an eternity, the bathroom door creaks open and I see my brother's leap to their feet. I can't bring myself to move; to breathe. April barks out some commands as her and Don carry Splinter over to the couch while my brother's return with blankets and pillows.

I watch for a moment as the rest of my family swarm around the couch, before my own legs carry me there too. I feel like I'm walking through a dream, where I have no control over my own actions. The journey is only a few steps but to me it could have been a thousand, until I'm there. April was fussing around Splinter covering him with a thick blanket and adding an extra pillow under his injured shoulder. I hate seeing him like this. It should have been me! Why did he have to save me? It was my fault for not following his orders. How many times have I not followed Leo's orders? Panic wraps itself tightly around my neck as my heart jumps. This could have happened before. All the times I didn't follow orders, it could have ended like this. It could be one of my brother's lying there; because of my choice.

It takes me a good few minutes to realise everyone is staring at me while I stare at Splinter. Quickly, I pull myself together. He's still unconscious, and his left shoulder is covered in bandages. His arm is in a sling. Why isn't he awake?

"You did good Raph" said Donnie, pulling me back to reality as he clapped a hand to my shoulder, "the temporary patch helped to slow the bleeding and keep the broken bones together"

Almost instantly, my emotions rushed through my head and straight out my mouth, "I didn't do good" I seethed in rage "he only got hurt because of me"

As I turn to face my brother's and April, I find I can't stop the rest of the story tumbling out in an angry torrent.

"I saw the purple dragons and Hun with some new weapons and tried to take them out. I was outgunned and Splinter...he tried to get me out. If I'd listened to him...if I'd followed him when he tried to leave" I was biting back a sob now, as the memory of the gunshot rose in my mind "I wouldn't go with him, Hun aimed a gun at me and.... he knocked me out the way and took the bullet" I almost roared the last part as the sound, smells and scene assaulted my senses all over again.

My brother's seem stunned into silence and April's looking at me with nothing but pity that makes me want to break something.

"Raph, this isn't your fault..." starts Leo, reaching towards me before I pull away from him

"Of course it is. If he'd been at home with his family, this wouldn't have happened!" I rage in response, emotion heavy in my voice

“You're family too!" Says Mikey, having picked up on what I'd just said "Master Splinter would do that for any of us!"

I hate this! Why aren't they blaming me? I deserve every ounce of their anger and hate. They should throw me out, not stand here and try to tell me it’s not my fault. Part of me is screaming to run, but I know I can't. If I leave, one of them will follow me and I can't take the thought of someone else getting hurt because of me.

"He will get through this Raph" soothes April, wrapping on arm around me as my brother's turn their attention to Splinter, giving me some privacy. It's then I realise I'm shaking.

"What damage did the bullet do?" asked Leo quietly, steering the conversation away from me discreetly. That's good, I don't want to lose my temper and say something else I'll regret.

"It wasn't a normal bullet. It was big enough to cause breaks in both the collarbone and shoulder blade, thankfully they were pretty clean breaks. It also caused a lot of damage to the muscle and nerves in that area, not to mention the amount of blood he lost" rattled off Donnie, going into doctor mode

"But he'll get better?" asked Mikey, with unmistakable worry as he grasped our Father's uninjured hand

"With a lot of rest, I'm sure he will. But he has to stay very still until the bones start to heal. When he wakes up we can ask him which position he'd be most comfortable in, because shoulder injuries tend to be very painful" added April, trying to soothe my brother's worries, but adding to my own guilt.

"He should stay here for a while, though" she added "we can't risk the wound getting infected"

"April, we can't ask you to..." started Leo

"You didn't ask, I'm telling you. Master Splinter can stay here with me until he's well enough to go home. No arguments" cut in April, daring my big brother to disagree. Instead, Leo simply nodded his thanks and turned back to our Father.

"Come on Raph, let's check out your injuries" said April quietly tugging me towards the kitchen

Normally I'd insist I'm fine, but I don't have the energy and I'm kind of glad to leave the living room where my brothers are gathered around Splinter, worry and sorrow hung off all of them and I could barely stand to see it and know I caused it.

Besides, maybe April can help me. Talking to her is easier than my brother's and right now I have no idea what to do.


	15. Bonded: Leonardo

**Bonded: Leonardo**

It's been at least half an hour since Raphael and April disappeared into the kitchen, where they seemed to be having a long, quiet conversation. Unfortunately it was too quiet for me to hear, and I've spent the time pinned to the armchair with indecision. Don had seated himself in the other chair and looked exhausted, so I told him to take a nap and we would keep an eye on Splinter. Of course, he refused but after sitting down for all of five minutes he was sound asleep. He should rest; it had to be hard on him having to take care of an injury like that. I don't think I could do it. Mikey was flipping through one of April's magazines with his shell leaning against the couch, but I could tell he wasn't really reading it by the way he kept reaching up to touch Splinters hand. My heart broke at the sight of my younger brothers.

Honestly, I wasn't sure what else to do but wait. From my position in the arm chair I could watch over all my family and just about see April and Raph in the kitchen. That's where my indecision came in. I need to talk to Raph. But at the same time I don't want to cause an argument or set him off. Should I give him some space? At least he's talking to April. The leader in me wants to know the details of what happened tonight, but the big brother in me wants to make sure Raph is ok.

He's been so subdued since we rescued them and I'd almost prefer an angry, raging Raph to the one who's been staring into space since we got here. Glancing over at Master Splinter, I can see no change in his condition either good or bad. I want him to wake up; just so we can all be sure he'll be ok. But I know he's going to be in pain when he does, and it makes me feel helpless. I should have been there.

"Dude, just go talk to him already" came Michelangelo’s voice, interrupting my thoughts.

Returning to the present, I see Mike has put down the magazine and is now looking at me expectantly.

"What do you mean?" I ask, feigning ignorance

"Raph. You keep staring at him and April, just go talk to him. I'm sure I can look after Mater Splinter alone for a few minutes" he replied, rolling his eyes slightly

"Ok, fine" I huff, as I reluctantly leave my seat. There would be no peace until I spoke to Raph, especially now Mikey knew.

The quiet conversation abruptly stopped when I entered the kitchen area, and April greeted me with a tired smile. Raph kept his shell to me and seemed intent on staring straight ahead.

"Hey, Leo" said April warmly "why don't I go check on Splinter"

April patted Raph’s arm as she moved past him and towards me, giving a small nod in my direction. I understood her message; talk to him.

Hesitantly, I moved to take April's seat opposite my brother and noted a series of bandages around Raph’s arms and the darkening bruises that littered his body.

"You, doing ok?" I ask, and then mentally berate myself for asking such a stupid question. Why is talking to Raph so hard? It's obvious he's not ok.

"I'm just great" he snaps back, though it lacks the usual bite

"Sorry" I mumble before continuing "how bad are you hurt?"

"Just some bruises, its nothing" replies Raph, who is still not looking at me. Why did I think he'd make this easy for me?

"Look, I just want to say I'm sorry. I should've listened to you in the first place. You thought the dragons were up to something and I didn't even hear you out. It was a poor choice by me, and because of that you and Sensei paid the price" I rushed out the apology, hoping he wouldn't interrupt

After a moment of stillness, Raph finally looks at me.

"Don't take the blame, this is all on me. I'm sorry. You always say I endanger the family when I don't listen. Guess you were right" says Raph bitterly, and I want desperately to contradict him. There is blame for both of us in this. Before I can even formulate a reply, my brother continues.

"Ya know, he tried to take the blame too?

"What?" I ask, secretly hoping he will continue

"Splinter. Bleeding to death, with a bullet in him and he tried to say it was his fault not mine" I could see Raph’s temper rising, but this time not at me "he told me to go. To leave him"

"He knew you wouldn't do that. None of us would" I reply cautiously, hoping to keep the conversation going

"I told him I didn't need him, Leo" announced Raph, his amber eyes staring straight into my own "and then he took a bullet for me"

"Raph, he knew you didn't mean it" I say, believing wholeheartedly Raph had not meant it

"Yeah? I spent all night thinking about how much I resented him! I got so caught up in my head, I didn't even think-" Raph takes a deep breath, steadying the emotion I can practically feel off him "the last thing he could have heard was me saying I didn't need him. As soon as he got shot, I realised it wasn't true. All the anger I'd been building against him all night, went away in a second"

I'm not sure what to say to any of this, but Raph ploughs on like he's determined to get it all out. This isn't like him and I can tell he hates sharing the personal details with me. All the same, I'm glad he is.

"I thought he would die Leo. That made all my anger at him seem so stupid. How could I even think that way about him?"

The last part was almost pleading with me for answers, and the big brother in me immediately leapt to the task.

"I think I understand now. Don and Mikey spoke to me about how you guys don't really get an opinion, and it’s something we all need to work on. Raph, no matter how many times you've been angry with me I never actually believed anything you said in anger. I hope you didn't believe anything I said either. Splinter knows you didn't mean it. I think he went to get you, because he felt guilty himself. I think we can all share the blame on this one" I finish, desperately hoping my words can ease my brother's burden

"Yeah, but what I said hurt him, Leo" replied Raph, with a sad expression that didn't suit him. It was so unfamiliar to see on my hot tempered brother.

"When he wakes up, apologise" I say, "and so will I. We're family Raph, and getting mad at each other is pretty normal"

"There was bound to be something normal about us I guess" he says with a sigh, and I smile as some of the tension drains out of us.

We sit in relative peace for a few minutes, each working through our own thoughts when the atmosphere changes once again.

"Guys, get in here!" called Mikey, startling both myself and Raph. The peace was nice while it lasted.


	16. Hole: Splinter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a bit shorter, next chapter out soon!

**Hole: Splinter**

I do not remember falling into unconsciousness. The last thing I recall is Raphael’s agonized face as he tried desperately to keep me awake. Judging by the darkness that surrounds me now, it is a battle I clearly lost. I do not believe I am dead, although I can see no way out of this darkness. I must try. I hope Raphael has escaped; for once I hope he listened to me and found a way to save himself.

I must wake up. Whatever has happened I must know. Desperately, I force my mind to concentrate on my physical body, though I find the task much harder than it should be. As I force myself to concentrate, my mind continues to wander. I made the mistakes that led to this tonight. If Raphael has been injured I will never forgive myself. What kind of Father drives his own son from his home? I never got the chance to explain myself to him. I can't help but wonder what misconceptions he has held on to. It is no secret he believes I favour Leonardo, though I have told him multiple times it is not true. Does he also believe I care for him less than I do his brothers?

It hurt to hear Raphael say he did not need me; I will admit it took me by surprise. Given the way I have treated him, I should not have been so surprised though. Do Michelangelo and Donatello feel the same way? I always believed I had done my best to raise the turtles, but now I feel I have perhaps let them down. Even with Leonardo, I have done a disservice. He was always the boy most prone to copying his Father, and I fear he copied my dismissal of his brothers too.

No, this must not be the end. My sons are better than me. I must tell them, I must apologise. With all that has happened, Raphael should not feel guilty; this was not his fault.

Part of me wants to surrender to the cool comfort of the darkness around me, promising freedom from the confusion and pain. Nevertheless, I force myself forwards until some sense of reality brushes against my senses. When it starts, it does not stop as heaviness fills my body and a throbbing pain erupts in my left shoulder. The sudden onslaught of pain threatens to pull me back into the darkness but I must go forwards.

The closer I move towards consciousness the more disoriented I become.

What was I trying to do?

It's so cold. Except my shoulder; that is on fire.

Blindly I push onwards to try and escape this prison of pain and confusion, but it only gets worse.

I'm trapped. I must be.

There can be no other explanation for why my body is refusing to cooperate with me, and I can't move. There is sound now, and light. But I have no idea who the voice belongs to or where I am. I just know I must leave. This isn't safe. I must escape.


	17. Damaged: Raphael

**Damaged: Raphael**

No, this can't be happening.

For a moment I'd actually started to think things might turn out ok. As soon as Mikey shouted to me and Leo, I knew something was wrong. I felt kind of detached when I dashed towards the couch Splinter was lying on, it was like walking through a dream; or in this case a nightmare. April was already hovering over him and Mikey’s shout must have woke Don, since he was there too.

"What's happening?" asked Leo, his tone cool but I can tell he's worried. I know how he feels.

"He woke up but started thrashing about" babbled my little brother bouncing from one foot to the next.

Why would he panic? He's safe at April's. I'd barely finished the thought when Don turned to face us, enough sadness showing in his eyes that made me want to run. I shouldn't be here, I'm the cause of this, but I can't cause them any more worry either by taking off.

"I think Master Splinter panicked because he didn't recognise us, or where he is" announced Donnie, as a boulder settled somewhere in my chest. I'm vaguely aware of April still leaning over Splinter whispering to him, but it’s too quiet for me to hear.

Almost at once, my brother's turned to each other with hurt and confusion.

Before we can all bombard Donnie with questions, April turns her attention from Splinter and I'm kind of glad he's asleep again. I don't know how I would deal with him not knowing us.

"I think it’s temporary" she said quickly, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"He lost a lot of blood and I think he's in shock. That would explain why he's confused" continued April, and I could tell she was trying to calm us down

"But he will get better?" asked Mikey, desperate for someone to give him a straight answer. I understood where he was coming from. It's easier to not get bogged down in the details when talking to April or Donnie.

"I'm sure he will, we just need to keep him warm and make sure he rests" said April, as patient as ever.

It had the desired effect and I could tell all my brother's relaxed a bit. Even I did. That didn't erase the guilt that was eating at me. How can I fix this?

Before I have chance to think about it too much, a forest green hand lands on my shoulder.

"We will all get through this" says Leo, adding emphasis on the word ‘all’.

For once, I don't mind he's taken charge. When I look at him I see my big brother standing ready to help fix my mess. Not my leader giving me an order and looking down on me. I glance around and feel a little embarrassed to see Don, Mikey and even April looking at me with resolve;  and forgiveness. For the first time in a long while, I let my family's presence give me strength. Finally, it feels right to be part of this team.

Maybe it was because of everything that happened today. Maybe I finally realised I'm not alone. I can't help but feel a bit hopeful that everything is maybe, going to be ok. It's a strange feeling, especially since the anger I've felt at my family has hung off me for so long, but I can't help but get drawn into the acceptance and hope they're all offering me. Besides, I could use their help. I still need to make this all right with Splinter when he gets better.

Compared to before? I have faith things might just be ok.


	18. Evolution: Raphael

**Evolution: Raphael**

It's been a week since the incident with the purple dragons and things have finally started to get a bit better. Master Splinter woke up more often after the first day or so and we were all relieved when he recognized us, even though he still seemed a bit out of it. I know we're going to have to talk soon, but the past week has been really busy and it just never seemed the right time. I can tell Splinter wants to talk too, but it’s kind of hard when my brother's and April are hovering over him all day. After the first couple of days my brothers took it in shifts to stay in April's apartment with him, not that he was particularly happy about imposing on April but he's not got a lot of choice at the moment.

Rather than making me angry, I'm finding Splinters hypocrisy funny. Whenever one of my brother's comes back from April's there's some kind of complaint about how much of a horrible patient he is, especially after all the time he forces us into bed rest. I've kept my distance a bit since he woke up properly. I think we both have a lot to say, and for once I want to think about it first. I can't risk screwing it up.

As I jump to the next rooftop, I feel a tiny flicker of fear. What if he rejects my apology? I swallow hard. I'll just have to accept it. Splinter isn't well enough to come back home yet, since he can barely move without help. He's had to relent and let the others help him with everything, especially since he's left handed and isn't allowed to move that arm at all. I'm getting closer to Aprils and it’s finally time for that talk. I can't put it off any longer, and Mike says Splinter keeps asking them if I'm ok. I've not been avoiding him; I just wanted to give him some space.

Ok. Maybe I have been avoiding him. It's hard to see him struggling with everyday things, knowing I'm the cause of it! Normally, I'd take my anger out on street punks but I'm scared to death of someone else getting hurt because I can't follow orders. I'll do it though. Every instinct has been screaming at me to take revenge on Hun and a few times in the past week I nearly went to find him, but I just couldn't do it. Every time I moved towards the door I could see Splinter getting shot; Hun pulling the bullet out of him. In my dreams, it’s sometimes Splinter getting hurt and sometimes my brother's, but every time I wake up shaking.

I can't allow that to happen. I will do anything to make sure it doesn't. I will follow orders; I will not play the hothead even if it kills me.

"Are you coming in?" asks a soft voice, and I stifle a jump as April stares at me from the open window.

Stupid! How long have I been sat outside the open window?

"Uh, yeah" I mumbled, hurriedly stepping into the warm apartment as April pats my shoulder in reassurance

"Raphael" calls a familiar voice.

Looks like it’s now or never.

I turn to see Splinter propped up in Aprils arm chair, still buried under a pile of blankets and looking pretty tired.

This was a bad idea. I can barely look at him. He just seems so weak, and it seems so wrong. Splinter is normally so proper and dignified, but now he's slumped in the chair and even I can tell the pain is bothering him.

"Do you guys need anything before I go downstairs? I've got some stuff to sort out in the shop" says April, breaking the awkward silence

"No thank you, April" answered Splinter quietly and I could feel him staring at me, as I tried hard to look anywhere else. A few moments passed as April left the room.

Now it’s just the two of us, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.


	19. Burning: Splinter

**Burning** **: Splinter**

I cannot express how pleased I was to see Raphael tonight. Since waking up and becoming aware of my surroundings, he has avoided me. I know he has been here; I've felt his presence but he has always left before I could speak to him properly. I always thought I had patience but the 'care' my sons have thrust upon me has certainly tried it to the limit. I cannot blame them though. They feared I would die and I shared their concern when I finally lost consciousness in the truck. I don't want them to worry over me, so I have tried to convince them I will be fine but this injury has certainly taken its toll on me. I have struggled with the most basic things, and any slight movement of my left arm causes the burning ache to get worse. The first day or so, any slight movement left my head spinning and I was forced to surrender any attempts at moving.

To the present, it is time to talk to Raphael. He is clearly uncertain how to start a conversation and I dislike seeing him so unsure.

"How have you been, my son?" I ask, as he jerks his head up to look at me in surprise

"I'm fine, Sensei" he replies automatically. Still he stands in the centre of the room and I feel the need to draw him in.

"Will you join me?" I ask, indicating the sofa next to the chair.

He glances at the sofa like it might attack him. I understand. Having spent most of the week confined to it, I am no longer a fan of April's furniture. I have only just managed to convince them that sitting upright for a while might help me.

Raphael must have been deep in thought as it took him a few moments to realise he hadn't actually moved before he finally took a seat closer to me. From where I sat I could sense the nervousness that surrounded his usually restless spirit. Is he afraid of me?

"Look, Master Splinter....I'm really sorry.." he starts

"You owe me no apology, Raphael..."

"No, I do" he says with more conviction, and I resist the urge to interrupt him. It is not his fault, but it is clear he wishes to speak and this time I will listen to him.

"I shouldn't have left the lair, or tried to take on Hun alone. If I'd left when you rescued me, you wouldn't have gotten hurt and the others wouldn't have had to rescue us" said Raphael, clearly in a rush to say everything before I have a chance to stop him. He pauses briefly to glare at the bandages covering my shoulder injury before he continues.

"You could have died! Ever since I've been thinking about what if it was one of my bros, or April or Casey. You and Leo always tried to tell me this could happen and I never listened...and now it's happened....I.."

Emotion is clearly warring within Raphael and I fight the urge to stop his rant and console him. I will listen to him. Perhaps then I will understand him better. It is the least I can do to try and make up the many times I have dismissed him without a second thought. He had trailed off his speech but now he sits up straight and I can see resolve dancing in his amber eyes.

"I'll do better. No more hothead stuff. I'll follow every order, train harder than ever. I'll make sure no one else gets hurt because of me. I promise"

At this he kneels at my feet, and I feel frozen. What have I done?

"I'm so sorry, Father. I won't fail you again" he finishes, looking at the floor

I am completely dumbstruck. This isn't what I wanted. I want all my sons to be safe, but I can see at once what Raphael is doing will crush his spirit.

"Raphael, no. This is not what I want..." I start hesitantly, but his head jerks up at my words

"Oh. I understand...you want me to leave...I'm...." he interrupts, and I can see the faintest shimmer of tears in his eyes before he moves to flee. Does he really think I would disown him? My heart breaks as gut wrenching terror seizes me. I can't let him leave, and I jerk out with my right hand to grab him sending waves of pain through my injured side as I seize a thick green wrist.

"No...please don't leave" I gasp out as the pain shudders through me. He can see my pain and it halts his exit, as he faces me with uncertainty. He is torn between checking I am okay and leaving before I can reject him, and my heart clenches that he even thinks I would do such a thing.

How can I fix this? My poor son. So desperate to please me he would kill his own fiery nature. Does he not realise it is part of who he is? Of course he doesn't. His Father never told him to be himself. Even now I can see flashes of memories.

Behave like Leonardo.

Learn like Donatello.

He happy like Michelangelo.

I am ashamed. How did I not notice what I was doing to him? I must proceed carefully, if he tries to leave again I doubt I could stop him in this condition. I would try though. I will not lose you, Raphael. But first I must make sure you do not lose yourself.

Even now, he stands before me with a wariness of my judgement. It is time to talk...


	20. Frozen: Raphael

**Frozen: Raphael**

Why don't my plans ever work?

I apologised to Splinter; promised to do better. I basically promised to be a good little soldier to him and Leo. But it didn't help!

I figured if he didn't accept my apology, I'd leave and not come back. I understand why he wouldn't want me around him or the others. I create danger and I know he wouldn't risk anyone else getting hurt. Even leaving didn't go like I planned.

He's still holding my wrist and I can see the efforts hurting him. Why not let go already? We both know this ends with my dismissal. It's the only way it can end.

"Sit down, please" he almost begs, and I silently move back to the couch. I ain't looking at him though. He probably just wants to make it official I'm leaving the clan or something.

"My son, I'm so sorry" he starts, and I think he genuinely is a bit sad. Still, I brace myself for what's coming next.

"Why would you think I would disown you? The fault is mine, not yours"

At that I freeze. He's not getting rid of me?

"So I can stay?" I ask, and hate how childish the question seems. Part of me needs to know, and I finally raise my eyes to look at him. He looks worn out and in pain. I wasn't expecting to see tears in his eyes either; his shoulder must be really hurting him and the guilt kicks in again.

"Raphael, I will never abandon you. I will not allow you to leave" chokes out Splinter, and it hits me that he's not lying. He never does.

Wait. Does that mean he's upset because he thought I was going to leave? Now I feel like a real shell-head. I can almost hear Mike telling me how clueless I am.

"Don't change yourself Raphael. Your passion and stubbornness are part of who you are. You may need to learn control, but that comes with time and you are still so young. I am sorry. You doubt yourself and your place in our family. That is my fault. You needed different things from me than your brother's did, and I clearly did not give them to you. Please, let me help you now. I am asking for another chance" finished Splinter, tears still shining in his eyes as he looked at me in despair.

How the shell am I supposed to respond to that? He's basically said he screwed up as my Dad, and a week ago I probably wanted him to say that. But it’s not given me any satisfaction to hear it now. I actually feel worse. He's a great Father....I just didn't appreciate it before.

"I screwed up to" I answer, determined to take my share of the blame

"It is clear things must change. We will talk, and then we will speak to your brother's" decides Splinter, sinking back into the chair

This time I will talk to him. I'll do my best to not shut him out, but there still something I need to get off my shell.

"I didn't mean it ya know? When I said I didn't need you. As soon as I said it I realised it wasn't true" I confess, desperate to be forgiven for my stupidity.

"I know you didn't mean it, Raphael" he replies with a small smile, and I can't help but notice he seems to relax a little more. I guess no parent wants to hear that from their kid.

"So where do we start?" I ask, feeling a bit unsure. Ok, we are gonna talk but I don't know how to get the ball rolling.

"Start with yourself, Raphael. How do you feel? What is it that makes you angry?"

This feels uncomfortable since it’s not the kind of stuff I usually talk about, but I know I should tell him. It's just hard.

"If I tell you, you've gotta be straight with me too?"

I don't want to pour my heart out to get nothing out of him. I wanna know what he's thinking too!

"Deal"

That's all the answer I need.


	21. Peace: Splinter

**Peace: Splinter**

The process of recovery is long, and I can't help but finding it somewhat tedious. Fortunately, it is a process which will soon end for me and my family. Perhaps then our lives will return to what passes as normal for us.

Things have changed over the past month since the incident with Hun and the purple dragons. I was finally able to speak to Raphael and we have both worked hard on the issues in our relationship. It was rather uncomfortable at first, to admit my shortcomings to Raphael so directly. But it was so clear to me that I had failed him. Nothing has ever made me more afraid than when he attempted to leave me in April's apartment. I knew if he left I would not see him again, and the fact he tried to run showed me how our relationship had deteriorated. Still it hurts me to know he thought I would throw him out. Following the talk with Raphael, I spoke with his brother's. I have been unfair to all of them, including Leonardo. I taught my sons the opinion of one outweighed all others and was blind to how my treatment of them changed to reflect this.

Still, the conversations were particularly difficult. All of them tried to tell me it was not my fault and I had not failed them, but I must accept the truth even if they do not. The weeks following my injury were particularly long and filled with uncertainty as I tried to address the way I listen to the turtles. Thankfully, the incident with the purple dragons and what led to it had already made my sons aware of the issues in our home.

Leonardo has begun to see the value in his brother's input and it is making him a better leader than my ego building method ever would have. Donatello and Michelangelo have also started to contribute their ideas and opinions more readily.

Raphael, has changed. But not in the way I feared he would the night he apologised. Rather than extinguishing his fire he is once again attempting to focus it; a practice we both gave up on years ago. It has helped him considerably, and Leonardo's new approach to leadership seems to be helping his restless energy. I was particularly proud to overhear Leonardo ask Raphael for assistance in planning their patrol the other night.

Fortunately, I have recovered enough to be left alone in the lair; although April's apartment was nice, it is good to be home. It was difficult to convince my somewhat clingy turtles I would be ok, but they have started patrolling again over the past week and tonight they have an important mission.

The ache in my shoulder has dulled considerably, and with some physical therapy with Donatello I should regain full use of that arm. I was pleased to hear this, but more so for Raphael’s benefit. Despite being told he was not at fault and all was forgiven, he has barely left my side since and I knew he was concerned the injury would have longer lasting effects.

Waiting for my sons to come home is always a time for some worry. Though, I believe the progress they have made as a team the past few weeks has made them stronger. I will always worry for them, but tonight I am confident they will succeed.

Settling down into meditation, I force the worry and regret from my mind. Things are improving. My family will be ok.


	22. Building Blocks: Leonardo

**Leonardo: Building blocks**

"Are you guys sure you don't need my help?"

"We'll be fine April" I reply, offering her a small smile

I have complete faith we will be successful in our mission tonight, it’s a matter of honour. Tonight we strike against Hun and the purple dragons. We will rid them of the dangerous weapons they've got their hands, bring them to justice and more importantly take revenge. After what Hun did to Raph and Master Splinter, there was nowhere he could hide from us that we wouldn't find him. We've been patient and planned this mission to the last detail; nothing can go wrong. I will admit the last few weeks in the lair have been difficult, but in the end they've made us a better team and a stronger family. Tonight I can lead the team knowing I have the full support of all my brother's. They've always supported me, but this time they had real input into the plan and I think it helped.

They all seem more invested and focused. Don and Mike usually just wait to be told what to do on missions but I think giving them some more responsibility has really helped. Raph was always challenging me, but I've come to realise it was his way of being heard. There have been a lot of awkward conversations lately, but Master Splinter pointed out how Raph challenging me can help me improve. I'm trying to change my approach. Even before the talk I had with Splinter I knew I had to do something to fix this mess.

Besides, I've actually enjoyed having my brother's share in my leader responsibilities. It definitely took some pressure off my shell. I do feel a bit ashamed for not listening to Raph more in the past. He's started helping me plan missions and patrols and he's noticed a few things I'd missed. I should have listened to him more, but now I can do better.

"How’s Splinter?" asks April, as we check our gear in her apartment

"He just stares at the walls and pines for your company all day" answers Mikey in a solemn tone "honestly, he seems devastated that your not-hey!"

Thankfully, Mikey was cut off by a sharp swot from Raph as April turned to the rest of us for an actual answer.

"He's a lot better. I think he's just pleased we're out and he's got some peace" answered Donatello

"That's good. I kind of miss having him here, though" mused April

"Aww, do you stare at the walls all day April?" Asked Mikey

"No! It was nice not being here alone all the time, and he was the cleanest house guest I've ever had" she answered, sending a sharp gaze at us all

"Hey, April. I think you dropped this hint over here" said Raph, leaning back on the sofa

Deciding it was now or never, I moved to leave.

"We get it April. Now Master Splinter is recovering, we'll come visit you more often"

"We make no guarantees about being cleaner!" chipped in my youngest brother, as April shot him a dirty look

"Ok. You guys be careful, alright?" She says, as my brother's assemble next to me

"Ninjas honour" promised Mike, as Donnie shoved him through the window after wishing April a good night

"Thanks again, for everything" I say, even as she waves off the thanks

"You're family, I'm always here"

"You coming Leo?" called Raph, already halfway out the window

As I move to follow him, I think I'm ready for tonight. I think we all are. Watching Splinter struggle for weeks and Raph silently blaming himself has been hard on us all. Hopefully after night we can all move forwards.


	23. Showtime: Raphael

**Showtime: Raphael**

I can't wait any longer! I've been a patient turtle, but the night has finally come when Hun is going to get what he deserves. As I jump from rooftop to rooftop the last month flashes in my mind and it pushes me to go faster. Not too fast though. I'm part of a team tonight and for once I feel like I belong.

It took a long time to get here, though. I told Master Splinter everything. How I've always been jealous of his relationship with the others, how I'm afraid of hurting my family; of ending up alone. It wasn't easy, and I struggled to get it all out but man does it feel good to lighten the load. Besides, this time I feel like Master Splinter listened and actually heard me.

It wasn't just a one way conversation either. He spilled his guts too, he told me how he hadn't known how to help me so he stopped trying. There was a lot of apologising, and then talking to my brother's but we finally figured things out.

Like a well-oiled machine we slide to a stop on a rooftop overlooking a run-down warehouse. This is it. We've been planning this for weeks, and it’s finally time for payback.

"Ready?" asks Leo softly.

I hold back a snort; of course we're ready

With practised ease we spread out and go to our assigned posts. Don and Mike will sabotage the trucks and crates of alien weapons that surround the warehouse, taking out the enemies using the shadows. Me and Leo are going straight in. Hun is inside, and when we get the signal from Don and Mike we will go after him.

The difficult part of this mission is avoiding the alien weapons, but Donnie has a plan for that. Well, at least I hope so.

Years of ninja training helps me pick out my brother's in the shadows, moving from crate to crate with purple dragons falling silently. Me and Leo keep our eyes trained on the warehouse, any movement from inside and we move to plan B. Then plan C. See? We really did plan for this. It's not really my thing, but I've been helping Leo and I do see the point of it. It basically helps me kick butt more efficiently.

"Are you sure?" asks Leo, turning to look me in the eye as we wait

"Oh yeah!" I nod with enthusiasm

"Things have changed" he muses, once again watching the scene before us

"Yeah" I agree with less enthusiasm. Things have changed because of my actions, and I can't help feeling a bit uncomfortable

"It's better though, don't you think?" asks Leo with a soft smile

"Sure" I mutter, eager to do what we came to do and be done with the talking

A moment passes in silence. The whole warehouse is dark and still, and then it changes.

There were four huge crates surrounding the warehouse, all of them filled to the brim with alien weapons and now they were consumed by a bright green fire.

Yep, that was Donnie’s idea. It was also our signal. He created some kind of burning fuel that would destroy the weapons, and it just happened to burn green. Mike thought it would make a cool calling card and I can't disagree with him. The result speaks for itself.

As soon as the crates went up, we sprang into action. Leo launched an explosive shuriken at the window opposite us and we leapt straight into the panic of the warehouse. At least 30 dragons were being ordered around by Hun who had just noticed his precious cargo go up in smoke. No sooner had me and Leo landed, and Mikey and Don joined us. The four of us drew our weapons and time seemed to slow down as Hun rounded on us.

"You!" he bellowed, stalking towards us

"It's over, Hun" said Leo in warning

"How dare you freaks interfere! Kill them"

True to purple Dragon fashion, they charged towards us in one big surge and not one of them was armed with alien tech. Typical. Hun keeps all the decent weapons to himself, of maybe he thought they'd accidentally kill each other. Can't blame him for thinking that; they're definitely stupid enough.

This was no normal fight for us though, we were fighting for justice tonight and it didn't take long for all the purple dragons to be down for the count. In the end it was us facing Hun.

"Useless dragons" moaned Hun, kicking the unconscious guy closest to him

"Surrender" ordered Leo

"Or else" I added helpfully

"Shouldn't you be burying the rat?" sneered the huge man, moving closer to us

I try desperately to reign in my temper, Hun isn't worth it.

"Only thing being buried is your plans, dude!" Calls Mikey

Wow, that joke was lame even for him.

"Are we nearly done here?" questions Don sounding bored

"Ready for death, turtle?" roars Hun

"Let’s end this" agrees Leo, and we move as one against Hun.

Angry and stupid, Hun charges towards us and we rush forwards to meet him. This will end tonight, one way or the other.


	24. Epilogue: Splinter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who has read this, and I hope you've enjoyed it!

**Epilogue: Splinter**

The wait for my sons to return home seemed never-ending, but it did eventually end with four sets of footsteps filling the empty lair. Shouts of triumphant could be heard, which reassured me they were not too badly injured.

Moving stiffly from my room, I move to greet my sons. My arm is still immobilized but thankfully I should be able to use the limb again soon. Michelangelo is the first to greet me as the rest of my turtles converge on me at once.

"Your mission was a success?" I ask, although I suspect the answer

"Sure was! We got pizza too!" answered Michelangelo already bouncing towards the kitchen

"Are you ok, sensei?" asks Raphael, as the rest of us follow my youngest sons lead

"I am fine, my son. Please, tell me what has happened tonight"

We sit around the kitchen table as Leonardo goes through the usual mission report, occasionally pausing for Donatello to add details from his part of the mission. Michelangelo also added some imaginative details to the fight scenes. Raphael remained quiet until Leonardo approached the end of his tale.

"Go on bro, you finish it" encouraged Leonardo, nudging Raphael to continue the report as my blue clad son grabbed a slice of pizza

Raphael took a moment before he looked me straight in the eyes and spoke.

"Hun is finished. All the weapons were destroyed, purple dragons tied up, and after knocking Hun out we tied him up and left him for the police. Donnie sent them enough evidence to put them all behind bars"

"I might have slipped Hun a sedative so he wouldn't wake up to soon either" added Donatello casually

Seeing my sons working together, and hearing of their success filled me with immense pride. They have all grown so much in the past month, they are closer than ever and the arguments in the lair have been toned down to easily resolved brotherly bickering.

'I am so proud of you all my sons" I tell them

"We couldn't have done it without you, Dad" answers Raphael, giving me a small smile, that instantly warms my heart

"Aww, that's sweet Raphie..." sings Michelangelo, as the brothers begin bantering with each other

Change is difficult but unavoidable. In this case, it was painful for all involved but ultimately it made us stronger as a family and healed the broken connections between us. Yes, change is good.

 

 

 

 


End file.
